Anastasia Romantsova: “A child is not your continuation and property”
Designer and creator of the A La Russe brand Anastasia Romantsova told Ksenia Wagner about raising her son, giving birth in Miami and her favorite personal care products.
— My first question is about your schedule. You live in Moscow, but for family reasons you often visit America, and your son mainly lives there. It's not even Moscow-Paris or Moscow-London. How do you do it? What's your time management secret?
— In fact, we move to America only in the winter, from November to May. I am allergic to cold, and it’s difficult for me in the Moscow climate in winter, and even more so with a small child. I understand that this sounds strange, a huge number of people somehow raise their children in the winter and do not take them abroad. But if there is such an opportunity, then I feel more comfortable. In the center of Moscow, the environmental situation for me personally is not entirely acceptable. And if a child lives outside the city, I practically don’t see him. The secret of time management is simple: when I am in America, I spend time only with my son, in a quality, meaningful way, and not looking at my phone.
— You gave birth in Miami, can you share this experience?
— It was a very pleasant experience. When choosing, I was guided not by the hospital, but by the doctor. In total there are three good hospitals there, and, in fact, they are the same, about the same level of wards, medicines. I had a very funny and thoughtful doctor, that was the deciding factor.
- How did you find him?
“I had a huge list of doctors from which I chose.
- On what basis was it compiled? Based on recommendations from friends?
- No, I intuitively walked this path. At that time, four years ago, I didn’t have any friends who gave birth there. I contacted concierge services and looked at the lists. I felt safer with a male doctor, although I know many people prefer women. My doctor's name is Semyon Tsinker. He comes from the post-Soviet space, graduated from university here, and then studied and worked in America for many years in leading hospitals. This was an important moment for me - the synthesis of the Soviet school and American technologies. But Zinker is now retired and no longer takes money under any circumstances. I felt very reliable, fun and easy with him.
— What was the most pleasant thing about this experience for you?
— The ocean was important to me - it was the decisive factor. At some point I was seriously treated here and nothing was possible. You literally had to lie down and do nothing. This solution doesn’t really suit me even in critical situations. Something needed to change, and I thought - where do I want to go? I want to go where there is an ocean. I received my visa while very pregnant. In the visa application. Still, they usually hide it. I said it honestly. And they gave me a visa and wished me good luck.
— Did you have a natural birth or cesarean?
- Natural. I worked with a midwife here. She taught me to breathe, prepared me for independent childbirth, and this helped me a lot. Everything went very quickly, from the first contraction to the moment the baby appeared - 4 hours. We didn’t even have time to get an epidural. I understood that if it hurt me a lot, I would ask. If it's not good, I won't. But then ask or don’t ask, it was too late.
- Do you remember how you felt? In America they give the baby right away and put him on his stomach?
- Everything can be discussed. My doctor was a follower of classical medicine, but I came to an agreement with him. Firstly, I called a woman who they call a “doula” - she takes the placenta. They always try to accept the baby, quickly wipe it off and only then give it to the mother. Her task was to block their path at some point, so I immediately got the baby; the umbilical cord was cut while the baby was still on me. But this could only be done with Zinker. He was against it, but I told him: “Doctor, should I tell you? You practically deliver me with a cigar. Let's come to some kind of agreement." So we agreed. It was important to me that the person was on a positive wave. Confident, calm, professional.
— Do you remember your feelings in the first hours? Did you immediately realize that life had completely changed?
“I didn’t feel like the world was divided into “before” and “after.” I was really looking forward to the moment the baby appeared in my life and was mentally prepared for it. I gave birth at a conscious age. Of course, I became different, there was a reassessment of values in many issues, priorities changed, but I initially understood that, most likely, this would happen, and I was ready to go on maternity leave for some time and belong only to this person. I set up the work situation in advance and prepared the people around me. I was afraid of uncontrollable postpartum depression, but, fortunately, it passed me by.
— Do you think if I had given birth at 20, this wouldn’t have happened?
- Hard to tell. I know cases where adequate adult girls cannot control their emotions and simply disappear from life for 3 months. I always thought - what if it happens to me too? But, thank God, everything worked out. Maybe because there was sun and ocean, which is so important to me.
- So you were with the baby yourself? Were you surrounded by relatives? Often, when the first child is born, relatives surround you on all sides, everyone has their own advice.
— Basically, at first I was with the baby by myself. This was the main point. I have a very tame, tactile son, and he spent the first six months literally on me, without getting off my hands at all. Mom’s opinion is final and fundamental. You just don’t have to go into conflict with your loved ones and say: “You’re wrong.” You have to do it gently, but in your own way. But grandma will still put on an extra blouse or extra socks, that’s why she’s a grandmother.
— So your position is to calmly accept it and not worry that they didn’t do it the way you wanted?
“We’re all control freaks.” We'll give anyone a hard time - both the nanny and the grandmother. So that everything is as we want. But they also have experience. They still raised their children. My mother raised two children and, in general, did well. It is clear that we are completely different generations. We belong to a generation that has undergone a colossal revaluation of values.
We, in fact, are also experimenting on our children.
After reading psychological books, focusing on the comprehensive early development of children, coming to the conclusion that everything should be natural and fresh, and so on. You can fight and try to prove the correctness of your position, but it is not necessary. For what?
- Especially in your situation. When you are, in principle, at a distance and cannot control what is actually happening there. Or do you watch nannies and grandmothers on video cameras?
“I have video cameras, but I easily let go of the situation and trust those with whom the child remains. It’s just that if you don’t do this, your head won’t remain healthy. I try to be in the moment. If I’m at work, then I concentrate on work and the city in which I am. If with a child, I concentrate on him as much as possible. Now we are doing an interview, and I am completely disconnected from the things that will happen later.
If you are simultaneously stirring the soup, talking on the phone, giving instructions to the driver, the soup won’t cook, and the driver will go to the other end, and the answer you will give on the phone is complete nonsense. And this will have to be dealt with again. Therefore, it is better to do it once, but for sure.
- When you are here for a long time, does your son get bored? How do your meetings happen?
“He misses him very much, but here I am grateful to the 21st century for technology.” We can still communicate several times a day. He already knows how to use Viber and WhatsApp, calls, shouts, reports something or demands. This year Orthodox and Catholic Easter coincided. He says to me: “Saturday, why am I being forced to go to school?” I explain to him that they are organizing a holiday there. “Exactly? And will there be sweets?” We constantly communicate via video.
- And when he was younger, how did you deal with it?
Still, I wasn’t absent that much or often when he was little. Thank God, my profession allows me to work remotely. Communication with the team took place mainly via Skype and other networks.
When it was necessary for me to come to Moscow, I simply flew in for a few days and flew back. I haven’t spent more than a day here a couple of times. To keep the baby from being sad, I tried to just fly for a very short period of time. It was rather difficult for me here due to frequent flights and time zone changes.
— Today you don’t see any consequences of your early absence?
- No. Of course he gets upset when I leave. And he’s happy when I arrive. Given my flight schedule, I breastfed for a very long time and slept next to him for a long time. I lived with a breast pump; it was my main comrade and friend. Thank God there was plenty of milk. Many people, when they leave, say that they haven’t fed them for a week, the milk has disappeared. I tried to keep an eye on this, saving milk. Once in Paris they even put me on a novocaine blockade because lactostasis began and my temperature rose to 40. The French doctors refused to do anything, found a Russian doctor who gave me a bath with soda and gave me 9 injections in the chest. I continued to feed. There were times when I was at a meeting, and I had two stones instead of a chest and my hands were already shaking. But everything was resolved.
Our mothers raised us without anything at all, but we have everything, we just need to know how to use it.
- You are a boy’s mother, this is a special role. Do you have maternal egoism? Do you think with some anxiety about your son’s future relationships with girls and friends?
“I’m trying to raise a man now.” At the age of two, he already knew that he needed to give way to girls or women. He knows that his mother does not carry his things for him. As much as he considers necessary to put in his small suitcase when we fly somewhere, that’s how much he rolls. And no matter what further scandal is created at the airport, he rolls his suitcase himself. He and I go to the farmers market on Sundays. He has his own little cart. Of course, he is interested for 15 minutes, and then the interest disappears. And “Mom, pull my cart.” But we are absolutely clear that he rolls this cart to the car himself. I am a supporter - from a certain age - of a fairly strict education for boys. Of course, a mother's heart breaks. But you need to use your mind and understand that in the future it will be better for him. The number of ill-mannered, neurasthenic and spoiled boys today is frightening.
- Tell me, how do you organize your time together? Do you involve him in some of your adult affairs?
“I can take my son with me to work, but I’m not in favor of it.” The baby should have a childhood, but he doesn’t need his mother around all the time. When he plays, for example, I mind my own business. When either the nanny or the grandmother comes up to him, they begin to entertain him further. For what? If the child is already doing a great job.
— What are your basic requirements for a nanny?
“I hired a nanny late, when the baby was almost two years old. Before this, my grandmother helped.
- She's Russian?
— Yes, because at home we only speak Russian. Abstruse nannies who know different techniques do not interest me. I need a woman who knows how to give love and does it warmly and beautifully. I am not a supporter of too early development of a child; I believe that until a certain point, children should not be particularly burdened with anything.
— You yourself touched on the topic of early development. This is a trend today, especially among mothers who only care for children. How do you think they feel about this in America?
— I am close to their attitude towards the child as a whole. This is not your continuation, not some kind of kidney, and not your property. This is a separate person, he’s just small. You have the opportunity to take your child with you everywhere, change clothes, and feed them. I have never had a problem coming somewhere with a stroller. You are not preparing to go out into the city, like into a concrete jungle, where you need to protect your child from everything. If we talk about additional classes, they are educational, but at the same time entertaining. Among them, many are shared with mom, and in general they are organized in a convenient way for moms and dads. But I wouldn't say they are super popular. Mostly, parents go with their children somewhere to the park, to the beach, to a cafe, etc.
- Let's move on to beauty. Where do you get your haircut and makeup done?
— I still wear makeup and get my hair cut more often in America. If here, then at Alexander Zavodilkin’s. He works at Bersen. If we talk about manicures/pedicures, I go next to the A La Russe office and boutique, either on Bronnaya at Wax&Go or at KYNSI. The same girl always does my makeup - Dinara, from The Agent agency. We met on some kind of shoot, I like the way she works. She has endless patience. She feels and understands me well. It is important that the energy matches.
- What about the cosmetologist?
— I really like Anna Mnatsakanova from Nazelie. They have a family business; their sister organized the production of their own cosmetics in America. Anya saved me at one time. I have combination, oily-prone skin, and when I get breakouts, it’s all over the place. I tried everything. Laser peeling is not suitable for me at all - it only provokes strange inflammations. And after Anya’s peelings, the skin doesn’t even peel off. The clinic is called “Beauty Alliance” and is located near the Oktyabrskaya metro station. Anya is fast and easy. I don't like unnecessary tinsel. When you have a lot of free time, a magical relaxing chair, a hot collar - all this is not bad. But when you don’t relax, but think about how to do it all faster, it starts to irritate you. And Anya specifically, in essence. He came, you were washed and cleaned. Moreover, she does the cleaning manually - no one does this anymore. She has a very light hand, after which you don’t feel like a tank has plowed your face.
- What about sports?
“It’s not organized in any way here.” I can do the “5 Tibetans” gymnastics at home. It is available on the Internet, these are completely simple exercises. In the mornings I like to do a plank, and I can do some light yoga. I go to Pilates. In America I do yoga much more often, and I really like Soul Cycle, where I relax my body and soul. The class is dark, the lights are like in a good nightclub, super exciting music is playing. I love this kind of music, I love dancing. You have super light, the coach is practically a DJ in front of you.
But in general, I am still a supporter of the idea that a woman should be soft to the touch. Not loose, but soft. The muscles must be toned, toned, you must be healthy. But that doesn't mean you have to be a monumental athlete.
- What about food? Do you have specific rules?
“If the average person comes to my house, he will, of course, think that I eat very healthy. There are a lot of vegetables, fruits, fish in the refrigerator, and no dairy products (we drink plant milk, and the baby loves goat milk). Although there was a period in my life when I drank cow's milk in glasses, I just really wanted to. Not long ago I was in India. Their women, in principle, do not do yoga. Because yoga kindles fire, and a woman should be water. They have a theory that the entire body of a modern woman from a metropolis needs to be rebuilt in a feminine way, because it is completely masculine. Because our energy is boiling in our heads, and not where it should be. Their woman is the moon, water, milk. And they start feeding you milk. It’s interesting that they do the same thing in Issyk-Kul, they have a cleansing program where they feed you mare’s milk. There are different points of view. This is their culture, they live with it. And everything works and functions perfectly for them. But I personally live better with plant-based milk. Although in India I drink cow's milk with spices.
I eat what I want and when I want. If I want a croissant with coffee, I eat a croissant with coffee. If I really want meat (which rarely happens), I can eat lamb all day long, for example. In Moscow, more often than anywhere else, I eat meat and drink red wine. It is important to listen to your body, it is constantly changing. I truly believe that we are 90% water. And we don’t know the huge number of factors influencing us. I really believe that in New York and Moscow you want meat more than on vacation, because these cities have such energy. For me, food is energy. And my body is very good at communicating what it wants. He and I agreed that I listen and hear these signals. For example, for a long time I ate crusts of bread - probably that’s what my body needed. Then she stopped. I sat on cottage cheese, then it disappeared. Now I have hummus. I don’t know what it is, but I always want hummus. You need to listen to yourself. But this does not mean that I am on a monoproduct; in general, I eat a balanced and healthy diet: porridge, a lot of vegetables and fish. I love hard cheese, nuts, dried fruits and all kinds of seaweed.
One of the latest discoveries is matcha tea (a green powder) whipped with hot almond milk. Goes with a bang in the morning instead of cappuccino.
— You fly often. What beauty jars do you always take with you?
This trick rarely works for me. I've tried everything. I thought: I will fly as expected - I applied the mask, stuck on the patches, and smeared myself with cream. But in reality I don’t fly like that. The maximum is to apply lip balm and hand cream and go to sleep. For me, the plane is the only place where I am alone. This is a space where I can sleep. Watch a movie or read a book. I should be comfortable and comfortable - the mask somehow bothers me. If you need to go straight from the plane to an event or meeting, it’s different. Then I cover myself with Hydro-Gel Gold and Mosmake patches from Natalia Vlasova. Not just under the eyes, but right over the entire face, neck and arms.
— Tell us about your favorite products? If you buy something here, where do you go?
— I go to Articoli, I really like their range and consultants. They always have samples for everything. In America I order everything online.
— Do you have any jars that you always return to?
- Well, here's Nazelie. I also really love Leonor Greyl - both shampoo and conditioner, an amazing product for the ends of hair and a spray that makes combing easier. I really like their smell. I love Oribe dry volume spray and TIGI dry shampoo. I love coconut oil for my body. I bring it from the islands, I buy the most common stuff from us, which is for food - without fragrances. At night I apply only the oil, and in the morning after a shower I add a drop to Dr Nona body cream.
Interview and text: Ksenia Vagner
Photographer: Evgeniy Sorbo
